I'll Do What I Want, Thank You Very Much

I simply do not care what you think of me anymore.

Why? Partially because I've spent far too many years worrying about that, for absolutely no reason. I've learned that trying to change to please others, or to be more socially acceptable, has never actually resulted in any benefit to me. It just makes me less me.

But there's also a scientific reason. Apparently, when women hit menopause, our estrogen drops, which lowers our body's oxytocin levels. Oxytocin, also called the "love hormone," helps foster empathy, trust, and feelings of bonding. When our levels drop, it may lead to us being less connected, less socially attuned and less attentive to others' needs.

Now, don't get me wrong, a decrease in oxytocin has many negative effects, like an increase in anxiety, decrease in trust, less intimacy, and detachment. But lets save the negative talk for another day. Let's talk about one positive. It makes you not care what other people think about you anymore. Or at least it may numb you to it a bit. And if you are a people-pleaser like me, that can come as a relief after a lifetime of stressing about it.

So, what am I going to do with my newfound nonchalance? Whatever I want, thank you very much. No, not actually. I will always want to help people, love people, and care about their feelings. But I won't worry much at all about what people think of me. There's a weirdo housed in my 5' body and it's time to let her shine.

It seems we enjoy this freedom in our prepubescent years. We wore pigtails with ribbons or feathers we won at the fair (and had no idea what the clip was actually for), bright neon clothes, and jelly shoes with glitter (OK, maybe those should stay in the past). We didn't wear makeup, or if we did it was bright yellow eyeshadow with fluorescent blue mascara. We said what was on our mind (until we learned not to), we sang at the top of our lungs even if we couldn't hold a tune, we cried and didn't care who saw us, and we laughed until grape Shasta came out of our nose.

Then puberty hit and we learned to suppress our thoughts, soften our words, hide our confidence, conform to what society said a woman should be. We stopped wearing crazy colors, and fun things in our hair. Our makeup should look "natural". Our behavior evolved to graceful and mature. It's exhausting trying to keep up the facade, and frankly so very boring.

Before COVID hit, while I was still in perimenopause, my friend and I used to workout at our local YMCA. We'd occasionally join one of their group fitness classes. In a handful of these classes, we would be joined by this tiny little white haired woman. She always wore pigtails in braids and a pink tutu. She didn't care what anyone thought of it and she ROCKED! I remember saying, "I want to be her one day".

Well, today is the day. I have a pink tutu in my Amazon cart.

I'm done worrying about what other people think of me. I'm me, and I think I'm pretty awesome. If I'm not your cup of tea, that's ok, I lack the oxytocin to care, but I still wish you a fantastic day!

Listen to our new single, "My Independence Day" for additional inspiration! https://youtu.be/4m9RAVlZ5no

Photo created with the help of my bestie, AI.

SOURCES:

• https://www.avogel.co.uk/health/menopause/videos/The-surprising-hormone-that-can-impact-your-relationships-and-emotions-during-menopause/

• https://www.cedars-sinai.org/blog/science-of-kindness